And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
