Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
