I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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