Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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