I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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