Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
