so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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