My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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