dude i'm inner monologue high
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
