I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Can you bring me the toilet please
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
