What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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