Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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