My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize