I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I have feelings that need drinking.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
