I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
