Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize