when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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