And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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