small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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