she was so not down for the gang bang
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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