It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
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