and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
