I want to have your abortion
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
cat food counts as protein by the way
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
