Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
