I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
