i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
