Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
two words: eviction party
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
