I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
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Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
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I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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