Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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