There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
