Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
