I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
