She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
