return my video game
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
