I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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