I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
