yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
