all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize