So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
