sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
