i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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