My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
