Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
