we made out on top of his cat.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Is this like a preordered booty call?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
