please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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