remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
