OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
