He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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