This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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