i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
These tits shall not be calmed
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
