I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
