Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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