Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
