I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
