How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
