I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
