Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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