We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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