Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
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