This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
