I like my sex mixed with concussions.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
