I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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