Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
