hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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