the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
