Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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