if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
