it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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