guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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