My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
